A Hard One

Luke 6:28

bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.

This is probably the hardest scripture for me to live by.  I screw up all the time in all sorts of ways.  I'm really good at sinning.  But this one, it's the hardest for me.  I'm a very vindictive person and I've done a lot of praying about it.  It's a little better, but honestly I'm still the worst.

I've been struggling with one person in particular for over a year now and honestly I really couldn't see myself disliking this person any more than I already do.  So, to picture that person and read this verse is like looking at Mount Everest and knowing God wants me to climb to the top.  Seems beyond impossible.

My first reaction when anyone curses me or disrespects me is not love.  I'm being completely honest here.  I'm not a perfect Christian.  I'm not even a good one.  I would say I'm a bad one, but one that's always trying.  It's so difficult to respond in love when someone does things that disrespect you and tear you down and tick you off.

My goal of this blog isn't really to flaunt how good of a Christian I am or even really to tell you how to be a good Christian.  I just write because it helps me work through things and learn more from the Word and just to share my experiences and views.  I think God wants me to do this.  I'm not called to be some mainstream blogger or famous author of anything, but I'm sure He wants me to share myself with whoever is out there.  I'm terrible at actually speaking to people.  So, this is the best way for me and I think that's why He put it in my heart to do this.  Maybe someone will see that not everyone who says they are a Christian is perfect or good.  Not all Christians have an easy life.  I think the majority of what is out there on blogs just makes you feel like everything you're doing is wrong and you aren't good enough.  I'm not here to do that.  I'm a terrible Christian.  I struggle.  It's life.  It's not supposed to be easy.  If it was, the whole world would be a Christian.  But God is always there.  Just ask for help and He'll give it.

SO, I'll be praying for the strength to bless those who curse me and to pray for those who abuse me.

John 16:33

John 16:33 English Standard Version (ESV)
33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

We have to go through a lot of junk here in this life.  Sometimes it doesn't seem fair.  Sometimes we don't understand it.  And sometimes we feel like it's more than we can take.  Jesus went through the same temptations we do and he went through tough times too.  He went through worse times in the end.  He will never put on us more than we can handle.  This verse tells us He's already overcome the world.  Whatever it is that you're going through, He's already overcome it.  That means you already have the victory too through Him.  It's tough to think that way when you're having some really hard times, but you got to.  You got to remind yourself that no matter how bad it is right now He's already overcome it and you can too through faith in Him.

My Angel Has Been Laid To Rest

My little girl is laid to rest now.  Funeral is all over.  It was beautiful just like her.  I'm sad and I miss her but I know she's getting to do all the things she couldn't in this life.  This morning at church I made sure my heart was right with God. So I have peace knowing I will see her again.  It hurts to not have her here and it feels like I didn't do enough for her with the time I had.  But I'm so blessed to have had her in my life while I did and thank God for it.  I love you Madison and I'll always carry you in my heart till I see you again.  It's not goodbye, but see you soon princess. 

An Angel Lost

Yesterday morning my little girl was taken on home to heaven.  It's beyond words how broken my heart is.  For years and years I wanted a little girl and that chance was taken by an awful divorce.  But God gave me a new life with an amazing woman with two beautiful children.  A boy and a girl whom I love as my own.  Madison want my biological daughter and Lucy and I are not married but she was still my daughter.  Still the little girl I dreamed of and prayed for for so many years.  I miss her so much and I always will.  I still can't believe it's happened but I know she's in the arms of Jesus and I'll see her again.  Until then it hurts so bad.  But Good is faithful.  Madison I love you so much and one day I promise I'll hold you again.

John 16:33 (New King James Version)

33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

Psalm 121:2

My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.

I'm so tired this morning headed to work. I've had horrible toothache all weekend. I didn't sleep much at all last night. Don't have money to go to dentist.  But the Lord is my helper. So, I'm not worrying about it. My strength and energy to work comes from Him today and I'll be ok.